Simply You

I have to make a confession. I am an introvert. Big time. On a test I took several years ago, intended to reveal where you would be on the "introvert/extrovert" scale, I was almost pegged on the introverted side.

This surprised me at the time. As a pastor, I wondered if this would be my undoing. I mean, would my preferences for smaller circles of friends, having a conversation with one person at at time and giving that person my focus, my tendency to kind of be in the background at social gatherings, never feeling terribly comfortable being the gregarious type, really enjoying just being at home with my family and a good book, or out in nature with peace and quiet... doesn't seem like the typical pastor's personality. By the way, being an introvert doesn't make one a recluse. I can be outgoing and be an introvert. It's all about where you get your energy. I have to get away to recharge. Others need to be around people.

I must say that a chapter like Matthew 6 is a life-saver for me. Here are some highlights...

"Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so you don't make a performance out of it... don't call attention to yourself... When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it-quietly and unobtrusively... And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production... just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage... Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (selections taken from The Message).

What I have discovered is that it is better to embrace who you are and be that person, regardless of your role. Who you are is far more important than a role. What you do flows out of who you are far more than the role "assigned" to you. So, if I am an introvert, operate as an introvert! I have learned to be OK with focusing on the one. Sometimes people have to wait a little longer, and that's OK. It isn't personal, it is simply my nature to finish one conversation. I think this may reveal why interruptions have always annoyed me so much (well, that and not getting used to interruptions--I don't have any siblings). The compulsion to finish with one causes irritation when it seems like I am being prevented from doing so. Knowing this, it becomes important to adjust accordingly. I cannot be offended by the interruptions, for who someone else is plays into how they operate differently. I have to challenge myself to make people not feel "left out."

But the good news in all of this is that, before God--as His child, as a husband and father, as a friend, as a pastor--I am free to be myself! I don't have to be someone else's definition of success or a role. I am responsible to Him! When my attention is on Him, I lose the anxiety to put on a front for people.

This is my example. What is yours? Are you a fellow introvert? (Introverts unite! In their own homes! By themselves!). Are you an extrovert? (I feel for you... having to, mostly, stay home over the last couple of months has probably been more difficult for you than for me). But, to the question... do you feel you can be yourself? Before God? Before others? No matter who you are, when you are engaged in worship, prayer, service, etc... Who is your audience?

Here's what I think God wants from any of us: For each of us to be our true selves. He wants to be your audience. He wants you to stay in the moment with him, unconcerned with the past or the future, and unconcerned with the flawed perceptions of others. He wants, simply, you!

He loves you! Not someone's ideal version of you, but you! He made you like you are, like no other. The best worship ever has nothing to do with liturgy or a specific spiritual practice. The best worship is you, being yourself, your attention on God, in the moment with the King of kings and Lord of lords.

Simply be you!