Nothing... I mean nothing... has a greater impact on me than my family. Them to me personally, talking about them, thinking about them, what others say about them... it's all a big deal to me. As I write, my son is happily looking at Mickey Mouse games online (he's going to need to be done soon as his screen time is about to expire for the day). Every so often he'll look up with a big smile on his face and tell me about something he just did. Later we'll go for a walk and play baseball together.
Every day my girl comes home from school and tells me about the cool things she got to do. I just signed her up for summer camp, actually, her first year to do something like that. She can't wait to ride horses and swim all day. We have a family vacation planned for the following week in North Carolina in a place that's secluded, where we get no cell reception or internet, and we spend our days hiking, biking, sight-seeing, or checking out the shops in town. Or we may sit around the camp all day and watch the kids play in the creek during the day and catch fireflies in the evening before we roast marshmallows over a campfire.
Reading through the passages in Matthew, Mark, and Luke today was kind of tough from one perspective. It's pretty clear that Jesus hit the guy where it hurt: in his wallet. He "valued" obedience and finding a way to the Kingdom of God through what He did. But there was a heart-devotion missing. Commandment-keeping wasn't his problem. It was motivation. Did he do it for self? Or for God? Was he really willing, as the other disciples did, to sacrifice everything to follow Jesus? Turns out that he didn't.
The presenting issue was riches. But I believe that riches are more than money or possessions. They are whatever moves you the most. Riches moved the rich young ruler. But that may not move me. What really moves me is my family. I can't bear the thought of my kids doing without, being hungry, suffering in some way. The situation they have right now is really good for them. My daughter is in a great school and has great teachers. I want the same for my son in a year. I'm not enamored with the typical pastoral "move every couple of years" thing because of that. Kids crave consistency and stability, and I'm loathe to take it from them.
But then I read this stuff and I can't help but reflect on it in my context. If I'm called to pick up and move, will I? If I'm called to sacrifice something for the cause of Jesus, and that sacrifice impacts my family--well, how devoted am I? Most horrifyingly... if Jesus were to call me (not likely, but what if?) to walk away from them... if for one reason or another they would not follow Jesus (I'm aghast to even write that)... could I? Jesus said "I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come." Do I believe that?
I'm not saying that will happen. As a family, we try to follow Jesus every day. We don't do it perfectly, but it's a joy for us to hide our imperfect selves in His perfection. But I cannot say with 100% assuredness that any of that stuff I just wrote of will not happen either.
How important it is to never stop looking at Jesus, falling in love with Jesus. He has to be adequate for me. It has to be such that happiness and fulfillment will not be lost until I lose Jesus. My greatest intimacies and thoughts and affections have to be wrapped up in Jesus. I have to understand everything in Jesus.
Please, Jesus, give me that kind of love. Give me that kind of courage and commitment to you, which I cannot just conjure up but what you place in me. May I be lost in You, focused on You without distraction, doing life with you without straying off course--ready to give up ALL for Jesus. ALL.
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